5:05 A.M.

A pesar de todo, el daño y el trauma me di cuenta que no te quería, que nunca te quise. Que fui una niña tonta e ilusa, que en realidad estaba enamorada del amor, de la idea errónea de una relación. No de ti. Que me encerré en una burbuja donde el amor todo lo podía, hasta cambiar los defectos y el pasado. 

Y tal vez si, tenía dentro de mí esa pequeña, minúscula esperanza de un día reencontrarnos. Mirarnos fijamente para que te dieras cuenta. Y dijeras que sí, que en verdad yo era el amor de tu vida. Después me di cuenta que tenía esa esperanza para así poder verte fijamente y por fin mandarte a la chingada. Decirte que no, que definitivamente no eras el amor de mi vida y que nunca lo fuiste. Que encontré no a alguien mejor, si no a alguien que si lo vale. Alguien que definitivamente no eres tú. 

Letter to myself after trying to kill myself

You have to believe that there are still places to go to, sites to know, people to meet, moments to live, movies to watch and books to read. You have to believe that there are still people who will care about you and will do what ever it takes for you to be okay. 

But you as well have to believe that you will be fine and that you will be alone some times and that that is okay too. You have to believe that the pain will go away, eventually, that depression will not always win. You have to believe that there are still people to trust, series to watch, surprises to find and new songs to obsess about, battles to win but also to lose. 

You have to believe that things will get better, they will always get better. You have to believe that it's okay to be heartbroken, to cry but that you must eventually get up and get over it, over them. You have to believe that event though someone broke their promises and left you alone that doesn't mean that everyone else will. You have to believe that love does exist, that happiness will find a way. 

You have to believe that there's someone out there, someone who wishes to meet someone JUST like you. Someone whose heart is also torn apart, whose pieces need to be put back together. Someone who will understand everything you've been through.

You have to believe there's still forgiveness. That all your mistakes will lead you somewhere better. That it's always darkest before the dawn. The better things are yet to come. You have to believe in the power of yourself.

So please, please stay here, be alive, don't kill yourself because there are just so many things worth living for and worth waiting for and worth wishing for,  for you not to be alive. Even though now it seems like the end, you have to believe that it will get better, because it will always get better.